The Beginning.. Again

I got fat. It wasn't my fault - really.  I ate pretty healthy (with a few indulgences here and there) and I exercised regularly.  But I still got fat. My doctor is a big jerk who didn't believe me when I said "SOMETHING IS WRONG".  Instead he blamed my weight gain on my so called laziness and genetics (after all he knows what most of the women in my family look like and they are all fat so it was obviously inevitable that I would one day be in a permanent fat suit).

After a year and a half and a weight gain of almost 30 pounds and a clearly depressed patient, my doctor finally re-tested my Thyroid and - what do you know - I was Hypothyroid. Under active Thyroid. Thanks for ruining my life Thyroid.

The 30 pounds came just in time for me to get married.  I still looked gorgeous (of course) but I wasn't happy with my weight.

Then I got pregnant.  Oh crap. 

I was very very happy to be having another baby (I have a daughter from a previous relationship, who at the time was 8). But I was also extremely worried about the weight gain, and how my new "infected with Hypothyroidism" body would react.

I gained 50 pounds.

My once 5'5", 145 pound frame (I hold my weight well and I looked DAMN good at this weight) is now at 213 pounds. Post baby.

TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN POUNDS.

I am disgusting. I hate myself. I don't go out anymore because I know how people work.  You go out and they pretend to be all excited to see you and then as soon as you are out of ear shot they proclaim with shock in their eyes "OMG. She got FAT"!!!!!!

So I don't go out. I say No all the time to friends. I hate seeing other friends who have lost weight and look fantastic. 

Its NOT FAIR!  I busted my ass!  And this is how my body thanks me?!?!  EFF YOU!

I eat healthier than I have ever eaten before. Before I was at 213 I weighed about 226. So the food thing has helped me to lose 13 pounds. This came at a cost though as I joined Herbal Magic - which is working better than anything else I have tried because I have actually LOST weight this time. But it is VERY expensive. I don't care anymore.  I need to lose it all or I will go crazy!

So here it begins.  I started P90 - cause I don't think I am ready for P90X yet.  I gave up on exercise when my body attacked me and wouldn't let me lose anything. I am out of shape.

What I am about to do is very hard for me. But I am serious this time. I am going to post pics of my grossness now. and keep posting every 30 days or so.

Please follow me on my quest for the ability to be happy with my body once more.  I think I'll need all the support I can get!

Caren.