I am ending my first week of Turbo Fire and all I can say is "OMG". It is soooo intense from a cardio perspective. I honestly believe it should be called Holy Crap My Body is on FIRE.
Seriously.
My body is aching the good ache for hours after a workout on this! Don't be fooled by the HIIT 15 class either.. So far I think it has been the hardest one! But....
I feel good. No.. I feel GREAT!
All the knowledge I have about exercising and eating right has always been in my head. I have always had to work at maintaining any weight I am at. I KNEW my body would remember exercise and adjust faster than I thought. But that stupid voice in my head kept getting the better of me and I just went into Exercise Amnesia.
I think I just created a wicked awesome term! I RULE!
But that voice is still in my head.. I had a very hard day this week. On Tuesday I went for a weigh in at Herbal Magic (if I haven't told you that I do partake in this very very expensive program, I do). After all the work I have been putting in with eating well and tremendously increasing my exercise I GAINED A POUND.
Yeah, yeah yeah.. I know all the crap about not paying attention to the scale, how muscle weighs more than fat. BLAH BLAH BLAH.
If the number wasn't that important, why does EVERYONE post their weight on before and after photos and comments? Why does the doctor or nutritionist need to know this in order to calculate BMI and all those other things that are related to the number on the scale? Because it IS important.
To an obese person, and obsessed people the number means a lot. My number never bothered me when I wasn't fat. Not that much anyway. I mean, I paid attention to it to a certain extent but I went by my clothes and how I felt.
But when you are fat and you work as hard as I have been working, the number means almost everything. Same as how losing inches is a big deal.
I don't understand how it is scientifically possible that I have gained weight at my current number. I don't think I am starving myself.. Maybe I am wrong. I am doing everything I am asked to do. I increase my protein and veg when I work out. But I know that my body gained weight when I took in 2000 cal/day, 1700 cal/day, 1500 cal/day and even 1200 cal/day.
WTF?! Right?
I don't have answers to this mystery yet, but I am searching desperately for them. My appointment with the specialist isn't until August, so its a long wait to do nothing. If you know anyone that has had this issue and figured it out, please let me know by emailing me at caren69@hotmail.com.
But back to Turbo Fire.
I LOVE IT!! Please go get it. Unless you aren't very co-ordinated. lol
It is so hard, and so much fun. It is really helping me make my comeback. I keep visualizing myself one day looking like my coach Liz Poin or any of the fantastically fit people in the videos. It is really helping me believe I can do it.
It may take me longer than most people who aren't in the midst of Hypothyroidism, but I'll get there one day.
And I'll totally walk around practically naked the rest of my life..
LOL
Caren
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Holy Mary Mother of God!
I really only have to leave two words..........
TURBO FIRE
But I just cant leave it at that! So here it is...
I ordered Turbo Fire last week. It came today! I was so excited to come home and jump right in!
A little background - I USED to work out all the time. I was a rock star in Cardio Kickboxing class. So much so that I was designated the assistant in all classes I attended. My original instructor held such intense classes. The first class I did I thought I was going to die and that obviously these classes were for more advanced people (and in my mind what I actually meant was skinny, fit, muscle-y people who liked to show off their awesome bods and make fun of soft fat people behind their back. I am messed up.. i know).
But I kept with it and LOVED IT! However, he stopped showing up for reasons unknown and every instructor and class i took after that paled in comparison to how intense and difficult this class was. I searched for years for that "high" and never found it..
Fast forward a few years and now I am fat and flabby and out of shape for so many reasons. Some legitimate (hypothyroidism) and most, not so much.
Fast forward to present day.
I HAVE FOUND MY HIGH AGAIN!!!
For those of you who are not very co-ordinate, please, try something else first. For those of you, like me (despite my extra large frame) who have co-ordination and can pick up on moves quickly do yourself a favour and order Turbo Fire by Chalene Johnson. Go and sign up for free at www.wowy.com and find Liz Poin and get her as your coach! She is fantastic. Then order any Beachbody workout through her and you will be on your way to changing your life!
I admit I even had a bit of trouble following at first, but I kept at it. It is so extreme and intense, but so much fun! The music is fantastic, and despite the fact there isn't a beginner at all in the class - only super sexy fit beautiful people - I didn't find the class unrealistic at all. What I mean by this is that even if you are UBER out of shape like me you can do it!!
But MY GOD is it tough. But I am going to use this first class as a measure of how far I will go week after week.
WEEK ONE:
Not that easy, but quite fun. I love the punching - it helps me get out any rage that might be festering inside! The Fire drills are extreme and I cant wait to be able to do them more smoothly. Final result? I am so out of shape.. This is ridiculous! I keep thinking how the hell did I let this happen?! This series is going to kick my ass from here to Texas. I just hope I can learn the moves a little faster. I kind of love it!
Now... I definitely need my protein shake!!
Caren
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Upping the Ante.. but not on purpose!!!
My P90 sweat/sculpt 1-2 DVD isn't working.
Now I just came back from an overnight with my daughter (a Valentine's Day gift from my husband and son). We just had breakfast. I ate food I don't usually eat.
I needed to work out.
In a panic, I convinced myself that doing level 3-4 wouldn't be that bad.
WRONG!
OH MY. I wasn't prepared.
But I did it anyway. Not well, but I did it. I probably needed to anyway seeing as I just ate twice my carb allotment for the day by 9am. So maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
A lot more intense because there are less rest periods, level 3-4 really put my aerobic abilities to the test. Despite my size now, I prefer (and always have) a very intense workout. I like to be challenged. And challenged I was. I am so out of shape at the moment I thought I was crazy for bothering.
That is the dark voice sneaking back in trying to take me back over. I feel like my body and mind have been in a deep sleep. There, but not available at the moment. Over the last two weeks I have begun to wake up. Not just my body, but my mind. That dark, evil voice is slowly being put in its place by the real me.
There are so many factors as to why this is possible. Just the plain fact that I have gotten off my fat ass is one. Support is another. Visualization is a third. When I wanted to "throw in the towel" this afternoon I just kept visualizing my coach, Liz Poin, pushing me on, and I used her before and after photos that are burned in my mind to remind me that THIS IS POSSIBLE. I CAN DO THIS! (p.s. I highly recommend Liz as a Coach - if you are interested in support, please check out her FB page http://www.facebook.com/#!/CoachLizPoin and follow her on twitter at http://twitter.com/#!/LizPoinFitness ).
And I did. I finished. I didn't do as many reps as Tony Horton and his crew, but the ones I did do, I did with full force and form. I didn't do the Ab Ripper 200, I just did the 10 reps like in level 1-2. But i did them slower and with more precision.
That body ache I missed having yesterday (yes.. i just said I missed it) is back. I am no longer sore - as in I don't want to ever move again because of all the lactic acid build up sore. Instead, I consistently have that "good" ache all over my body. I love having it because it reminds me that I worked out, I did it for me, and I can do it again. When I don't feel like I can do any more, I remember Liz and the simple tweet from Chalene Johnson the other day.....
This moment will soon be a memory.
I can do it.
Caren
Now I just came back from an overnight with my daughter (a Valentine's Day gift from my husband and son). We just had breakfast. I ate food I don't usually eat.
I needed to work out.
In a panic, I convinced myself that doing level 3-4 wouldn't be that bad.
WRONG!
OH MY. I wasn't prepared.
But I did it anyway. Not well, but I did it. I probably needed to anyway seeing as I just ate twice my carb allotment for the day by 9am. So maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
A lot more intense because there are less rest periods, level 3-4 really put my aerobic abilities to the test. Despite my size now, I prefer (and always have) a very intense workout. I like to be challenged. And challenged I was. I am so out of shape at the moment I thought I was crazy for bothering.
That is the dark voice sneaking back in trying to take me back over. I feel like my body and mind have been in a deep sleep. There, but not available at the moment. Over the last two weeks I have begun to wake up. Not just my body, but my mind. That dark, evil voice is slowly being put in its place by the real me.
There are so many factors as to why this is possible. Just the plain fact that I have gotten off my fat ass is one. Support is another. Visualization is a third. When I wanted to "throw in the towel" this afternoon I just kept visualizing my coach, Liz Poin, pushing me on, and I used her before and after photos that are burned in my mind to remind me that THIS IS POSSIBLE. I CAN DO THIS! (p.s. I highly recommend Liz as a Coach - if you are interested in support, please check out her FB page http://www.facebook.com/#!/CoachLizPoin and follow her on twitter at http://twitter.com/#!/LizPoinFitness ).
And I did. I finished. I didn't do as many reps as Tony Horton and his crew, but the ones I did do, I did with full force and form. I didn't do the Ab Ripper 200, I just did the 10 reps like in level 1-2. But i did them slower and with more precision.
That body ache I missed having yesterday (yes.. i just said I missed it) is back. I am no longer sore - as in I don't want to ever move again because of all the lactic acid build up sore. Instead, I consistently have that "good" ache all over my body. I love having it because it reminds me that I worked out, I did it for me, and I can do it again. When I don't feel like I can do any more, I remember Liz and the simple tweet from Chalene Johnson the other day.....
This moment will soon be a memory.
I can do it.
Caren
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Hawaii Five-OH OH OH ERGH!!!
I am proud to say it has been more than one week and I am still workin' it! I am also proud to say I do NOT watch the new Hawaii Five-0.
When I have taken a day off I feel like I should do something extra difficult for me the next day and push through.
For me, as of right now, this is Tony Horton's Fat Burning Express Live from Hawaii. A little longer than the Sweat P90 (I am on level 1-2 right now), and to me, a lot more intense.
I have done this a total of 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Thanks to me sticking with the P90 workout I am already finding it a little easier! I even used a weight for the Groucho Pivots! WHO KNEW?!?!?
That little voice in my head that has infected me, festering and brooding, is beginning to STFU. That would be Shut The F#*K Up for all you folks who don't follow today's lazy language of short form.
But it isn't gone. By the end of this work out it starts to creep back in. I slow down, don't do full reps and I feel guilty and defeated. I want to just lay down and sleep - cry "LEAVE ME ALONE! THIS ISN'T FAIR!"
All is not lost though. As per my last post, I have been gaining support from old friends and new! I even started following Chalene Johnson on Twitter (@chalenejohnson) as well as my new support coach @LizPoinFitness. If you are looking for inspiration and support from people who understand and absolutely do not judge you should start with Liz Poin. From following her I have gained 4 new followers that are there to offer support whenever I am in need.
I even got a personal message from Chalene Johnson of the ChaLean Extreme fame. Now I admit, I had never even heard of her before last week. Within this time I followed her on Twitter, she messaged me after I ReTweeted her and amazingly this morning, the television was on a channel that offered infomercials (it is NEVER left on a channel like that - Hello.. Disney Channel 27/7). Her workout series Turbo Fire was featured. I took it as a sign and purchased it! I cannot WAIT to try it. It looks so intense and SO MUCH FUN!!!
In conclusion, I say the hardest workout for me right now is the Fat Burning Express Hawaii version, but I am quite sure that is about to change.
Obviously I am looking forward to it.
Caren
When I have taken a day off I feel like I should do something extra difficult for me the next day and push through.
For me, as of right now, this is Tony Horton's Fat Burning Express Live from Hawaii. A little longer than the Sweat P90 (I am on level 1-2 right now), and to me, a lot more intense.
I have done this a total of 3 times in the last 2 weeks. Thanks to me sticking with the P90 workout I am already finding it a little easier! I even used a weight for the Groucho Pivots! WHO KNEW?!?!?
That little voice in my head that has infected me, festering and brooding, is beginning to STFU. That would be Shut The F#*K Up for all you folks who don't follow today's lazy language of short form.
But it isn't gone. By the end of this work out it starts to creep back in. I slow down, don't do full reps and I feel guilty and defeated. I want to just lay down and sleep - cry "LEAVE ME ALONE! THIS ISN'T FAIR!"
All is not lost though. As per my last post, I have been gaining support from old friends and new! I even started following Chalene Johnson on Twitter (@chalenejohnson) as well as my new support coach @LizPoinFitness. If you are looking for inspiration and support from people who understand and absolutely do not judge you should start with Liz Poin. From following her I have gained 4 new followers that are there to offer support whenever I am in need.
I even got a personal message from Chalene Johnson of the ChaLean Extreme fame. Now I admit, I had never even heard of her before last week. Within this time I followed her on Twitter, she messaged me after I ReTweeted her and amazingly this morning, the television was on a channel that offered infomercials (it is NEVER left on a channel like that - Hello.. Disney Channel 27/7). Her workout series Turbo Fire was featured. I took it as a sign and purchased it! I cannot WAIT to try it. It looks so intense and SO MUCH FUN!!!
In conclusion, I say the hardest workout for me right now is the Fat Burning Express Hawaii version, but I am quite sure that is about to change.
Obviously I am looking forward to it.
Caren
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
A Support System is Key
Having a support system when attempting to overcome any obstacle is very important. So why is it that I refuse to graciously accept the support from my extremely supportive husband?
After pondering this subject quite a bit over the last few days I think I have realized the truth behind this matter.
1. I am embarrassed. I never used to be like this, look like this, or feel like this. The fact that he is trying to help and be encouraging only brings more attention to the fact that I am fat. And in my mind, that means I am disgusting. Hence I get my back up and become defensive.
2. I am angry. And who do we take it out on when we are feeling emotional? - The ones we love. My poor husband, Dave, has been a punching bag (if only literally - i might have lost a few pounds!) for me anytime he tries to suggest something for me to do. He just wants to help, make me feel better, see me smile, and make me happy. But in my twisted mind I contort this into something like this, "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME AND HOW FAT I AM!" You see, in my fat person brain, I pretend that the girl Dave sees is the girl I feel I am inside. Not the physical monstrosity that actually stands before him.
There are probably more reasons, but these are the ones I am recognizing for now.
Like a lot of people, I am more willing to accept support from a stranger, or an acquaintance - someone I don't have to face everyday. Its a lot easier for me to allow people who don't really know me that well to see me struggle.
I feel like I have let my friends, my family and myself down by becoming this "thing". And I do consider myself to be a "thing". I don't feel human in this body. The real me is trapped inside this alien body desperately trying to escape.
I do want to thank the people who have been able to reach that part of me that is willing to accept your support.
Thank you Liz Poin for being my virtual coach. I have a feeling that this is the beginning of a new life that you can help me get to. You are inspiring.
Thank you Tracy and Amanda, for showing you care by responding to my Facebook Posts. It means so much to me to have you routing me on.
Thank you Katie for understanding and admitting your own struggle. As awful as it sounds, its nice to know that other people I know feel the same way. Its not a nice thing feeling alone.
Thank you to my friends Tammy and Ana and Dorothy for loving me no matter how often I refuse to go out in public and say no to a girls night because I am feeling sorry for myself.
Most of all, thank you Dave, my amazing husband. I may not react the way you hope me to, but I love that you love me no matter what. I love that you see me and you still think I am beautiful. Even though I get my back up when you try to help, I thank you for continuing to try, because it does matter to me. I love you.
Thank you.
Caren
After pondering this subject quite a bit over the last few days I think I have realized the truth behind this matter.
1. I am embarrassed. I never used to be like this, look like this, or feel like this. The fact that he is trying to help and be encouraging only brings more attention to the fact that I am fat. And in my mind, that means I am disgusting. Hence I get my back up and become defensive.
2. I am angry. And who do we take it out on when we are feeling emotional? - The ones we love. My poor husband, Dave, has been a punching bag (if only literally - i might have lost a few pounds!) for me anytime he tries to suggest something for me to do. He just wants to help, make me feel better, see me smile, and make me happy. But in my twisted mind I contort this into something like this, "WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME AND HOW FAT I AM!" You see, in my fat person brain, I pretend that the girl Dave sees is the girl I feel I am inside. Not the physical monstrosity that actually stands before him.
There are probably more reasons, but these are the ones I am recognizing for now.
Like a lot of people, I am more willing to accept support from a stranger, or an acquaintance - someone I don't have to face everyday. Its a lot easier for me to allow people who don't really know me that well to see me struggle.
I feel like I have let my friends, my family and myself down by becoming this "thing". And I do consider myself to be a "thing". I don't feel human in this body. The real me is trapped inside this alien body desperately trying to escape.
I do want to thank the people who have been able to reach that part of me that is willing to accept your support.
Thank you Liz Poin for being my virtual coach. I have a feeling that this is the beginning of a new life that you can help me get to. You are inspiring.
Thank you Tracy and Amanda, for showing you care by responding to my Facebook Posts. It means so much to me to have you routing me on.
Thank you Katie for understanding and admitting your own struggle. As awful as it sounds, its nice to know that other people I know feel the same way. Its not a nice thing feeling alone.
Thank you to my friends Tammy and Ana and Dorothy for loving me no matter how often I refuse to go out in public and say no to a girls night because I am feeling sorry for myself.
Most of all, thank you Dave, my amazing husband. I may not react the way you hope me to, but I love that you love me no matter what. I love that you see me and you still think I am beautiful. Even though I get my back up when you try to help, I thank you for continuing to try, because it does matter to me. I love you.
Thank you.
Caren
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Stairs
So today I attempted the stairs.
We live in Ontario, Canada, where there is an escarpment. I live at the top of said escarpment. There are many sections along the escarpment in which there are stairs to go down the mountain.
Today I attempted to do this. I went with my husband and a couple we know. Both the men are extremely fit. The other girl weighs about 3 pounds. I weigh a million. I did not expect to be able to do this more than once.
My hubby said they were doing it 5 times.
There are 289 stairs.
OH Crap.
I told my husband that this is exactly why I don't want to go out and do exercis-y things with him. I cant keep up yet! And I am a winner. I HAVE to do well and I usually have to win. Now I knew I couldn't win this one, but I at least hoped they would do it so few times that I could keep up!
I refused to do it 5 times. Luckily so did my friend, Kim. Needless to say, her frame and weight gave her an advantage of not tiring out as fast as I. So after one trip down and half a trip up, I told her to go on without me.
Yes.. I thought I was dying.
I slowly made it back up. Long story short, the men lapped both us girls numerous times.
I can proudly say though that I did the stairs not once, but ONE AND A HALF times! LOL!!!
Thinking I should make this a weekly thing (despite the fact that I HATE the cold weather - anything under 18 degrees is too cold for me) and maybe build up to more times a week when the weather gets warmer!
Thoughts?
Thanks for supporting!
Caren
We live in Ontario, Canada, where there is an escarpment. I live at the top of said escarpment. There are many sections along the escarpment in which there are stairs to go down the mountain.
Today I attempted to do this. I went with my husband and a couple we know. Both the men are extremely fit. The other girl weighs about 3 pounds. I weigh a million. I did not expect to be able to do this more than once.
My hubby said they were doing it 5 times.
There are 289 stairs.
OH Crap.
I told my husband that this is exactly why I don't want to go out and do exercis-y things with him. I cant keep up yet! And I am a winner. I HAVE to do well and I usually have to win. Now I knew I couldn't win this one, but I at least hoped they would do it so few times that I could keep up!
I refused to do it 5 times. Luckily so did my friend, Kim. Needless to say, her frame and weight gave her an advantage of not tiring out as fast as I. So after one trip down and half a trip up, I told her to go on without me.
Yes.. I thought I was dying.
I slowly made it back up. Long story short, the men lapped both us girls numerous times.
I can proudly say though that I did the stairs not once, but ONE AND A HALF times! LOL!!!
Thinking I should make this a weekly thing (despite the fact that I HATE the cold weather - anything under 18 degrees is too cold for me) and maybe build up to more times a week when the weather gets warmer!
Thoughts?
Thanks for supporting!
Caren
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Beginning.. Again
I got fat. It wasn't my fault - really. I ate pretty healthy (with a few indulgences here and there) and I exercised regularly. But I still got fat. My doctor is a big jerk who didn't believe me when I said "SOMETHING IS WRONG". Instead he blamed my weight gain on my so called laziness and genetics (after all he knows what most of the women in my family look like and they are all fat so it was obviously inevitable that I would one day be in a permanent fat suit).
After a year and a half and a weight gain of almost 30 pounds and a clearly depressed patient, my doctor finally re-tested my Thyroid and - what do you know - I was Hypothyroid. Under active Thyroid. Thanks for ruining my life Thyroid.
The 30 pounds came just in time for me to get married. I still looked gorgeous (of course) but I wasn't happy with my weight.
Then I got pregnant. Oh crap.
I was very very happy to be having another baby (I have a daughter from a previous relationship, who at the time was 8). But I was also extremely worried about the weight gain, and how my new "infected with Hypothyroidism" body would react.
I gained 50 pounds.
I eat healthier than I have ever eaten before. Before I was at 213 I weighed about 226. So the food thing has helped me to lose 13 pounds. This came at a cost though as I joined Herbal Magic - which is working better than anything else I have tried because I have actually LOST weight this time. But it is VERY expensive. I don't care anymore. I need to lose it all or I will go crazy!
So here it begins. I started P90 - cause I don't think I am ready for P90X yet. I gave up on exercise when my body attacked me and wouldn't let me lose anything. I am out of shape.
What I am about to do is very hard for me. But I am serious this time. I am going to post pics of my grossness now. and keep posting every 30 days or so.
Please follow me on my quest for the ability to be happy with my body once more. I think I'll need all the support I can get!
After a year and a half and a weight gain of almost 30 pounds and a clearly depressed patient, my doctor finally re-tested my Thyroid and - what do you know - I was Hypothyroid. Under active Thyroid. Thanks for ruining my life Thyroid.
The 30 pounds came just in time for me to get married. I still looked gorgeous (of course) but I wasn't happy with my weight.
Then I got pregnant. Oh crap.
I was very very happy to be having another baby (I have a daughter from a previous relationship, who at the time was 8). But I was also extremely worried about the weight gain, and how my new "infected with Hypothyroidism" body would react.
I gained 50 pounds.
My once 5'5", 145 pound frame (I hold my weight well and I looked DAMN good at this weight) is now at 213 pounds. Post baby.
TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN POUNDS.
I am disgusting. I hate myself. I don't go out anymore because I know how people work. You go out and they pretend to be all excited to see you and then as soon as you are out of ear shot they proclaim with shock in their eyes "OMG. She got FAT"!!!!!!
So I don't go out. I say No all the time to friends. I hate seeing other friends who have lost weight and look fantastic.
Its NOT FAIR! I busted my ass! And this is how my body thanks me?!?! EFF YOU!
I eat healthier than I have ever eaten before. Before I was at 213 I weighed about 226. So the food thing has helped me to lose 13 pounds. This came at a cost though as I joined Herbal Magic - which is working better than anything else I have tried because I have actually LOST weight this time. But it is VERY expensive. I don't care anymore. I need to lose it all or I will go crazy!
So here it begins. I started P90 - cause I don't think I am ready for P90X yet. I gave up on exercise when my body attacked me and wouldn't let me lose anything. I am out of shape.
What I am about to do is very hard for me. But I am serious this time. I am going to post pics of my grossness now. and keep posting every 30 days or so.
Please follow me on my quest for the ability to be happy with my body once more. I think I'll need all the support I can get!
Caren.
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